Love You to My Fingertips & Hate You Just as Much
by Arwen02
Summary: A short, two chaptered story that tells of the troubles between Remus and Tonks. Set in HBP.
1. Chapter 1

There was a soft tap on the door.

The figure who had been standing at the kitchen sink froze. She heard the tap again. Molly Weasley scurried silently to her door. "Who's there?" she asked nervously, but there was a trace her same old demanding tone.

"Me," whispered a tired voice.

"Me who?"

"Me Tonks."

"What's your deepest secret?"

There was a deep sigh, and she said, "I have a teddy bear named Curly in my room that my first boyfriend gave me when I was twelve."

Molly opened the door. "Tonks, dear," she said gently, "come in. I'll make some tea," she said in a motherly voice. She watched as Tonks walked in and offered a small smile. "That's more like it," Molly said, smiling. "You know, I'm glad you came. I hate to think of you all alone in that flat of yours in theses dark times."

"Well," suggested Tonks lamely, "I still have Curly."

"Sit down, love. We'll talk." Molly walked over and put the kettle on, then sat down across from Tonks. "Now," she said. "Tell me how you've been."

"The same," said Tonks, brushing a stray strand of her mousy-brown hair behind her ears. "I'm tired, annoyed, restless…. And I can't get rid of this damn hair," she said, tugging at it. "And on top of it all, he's avoiding me."

"Remus?"

Tonks nodded as the kettle whistled. Molly stood up and fixed the tea, handed a mug to Tonks, and sat down again. "Go on, love."

"Ever since he came over that time, I've _seen_ him, I've _talked _to him, I guess… but it's not the same. He's avoiding the subject. He's talked about the weather, the Order, the ministry, but it's like it's strictly business. "

Molly nodded. "He'll come around, Tonks, he will. But you can't dwell on it. Look at you! Where's your spark? You've even been having trouble with your metamorphosing!"

"I know," she said and looked down at her dirty black converse. She could remember the night when Remus had visited her. It might have been three weeks ago, or maybe four. She had lost count.

Tonks had been lacing up her new converse. She loved them— they were plain black… except there was pink flames going up the sides. Wicked, no?

There was a gentle tap on the door in her small, messy flat located in London.

"Tonks?" came the muffled voice of Remus Lupin

She ran over to the door. "That night I walked in on you and Sirius in the kitchen…what was it that he said to you?" she asked in a hurry.

There was a low, soft chuckle. "I haven't even told you who I am, yet," he said. Yes, there was no doubt it was Remus.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Who are you?"

"Remus Lupin," he said.

She could detect a smile in his voice.

"Ok, _now _answer the question."

Remus sighed. "What do you mean, no body fancied you in school?"

"And?"

"He said, 'you were adorable.'"

Tonks cracked up, and opened the door. For some reason, the idea of Sirius calling Remus adorable seemed hilarious.

"I wish you'd stop making me re-live that," Remus said as he walked into her flat.

"I think it's cute," she said, smiling. "So, what's up?"

"Well," Remus began, "Dumbledore asked me to pass the message along that we're not using Grimmauld Place anymore."

"The whole Bellatrix thing?"

"Yeah," said Remus, sighing. "But it may be temporary. We won't know until Dumbledore sees Harry, so…."

"Here, sit down," Tonks said.

Remus took off his coat, tattered and worn, but clean, and sat next to Tonks on the sofa. "I can't stay for long," he said.

A moment of silence followed.

"Fancy a drink?" she asked, standing up.

"Actually, no thank you. I have to go, soon. And you know what they say about drinking and apparating."

Tonks smiled. "Oh go in." She walked over to her refrigerator. "Let's see, I've got water… butterbeer… um…. How about a butterbeer? I had Firewhiskey, but I'm afraid I used it up." She grinned.

Remus laughed. "Sure," he said. He watched Tonks as she took out two glasses from one of the cupboards. "You know what?" he said. "You're very bubbly."

She smiled. "Only when you're around." She sat back down, placing the two butterbeer-filled glasses on the coffee table in front of her. "So, how have you been?" she asked. "I haven't seen you ages."

"I've been tired, as usual," he said. "I've been up to Order stuff. Working underground."

"Greyback?"

"Bingo."

Tonks sighed and leaned back against the sofa. "So. No more Grimm Old Place until Dumbledore contacts Harry." She was half talking to herself. "Bella had better not her hands on any of Sirius's stuff,' Tonks said coldly. "I really don't like her. It's all my fault. I should've finished her off…." She felt a tear trickle down her face. She went to wipe it away, but Remus got there first. She looked up at him.

"It's not your fault." He pulled her into a hug. "Everybody blames themselves when we lose someone. I blame myself. Harry think it's his fault. So does Dumbledore."

"But I feel so rotten," she whispered. She pulled herself away from him and looked into his eyes. Slowly, nervously, she drew herself closer, and kissed him.

Remus tensed.

Tonks froze in mid-kiss, mortified. But to her surprise, and against Remus's better judgment, he kissed her back

Tonks wrapped her arms around Remus, who kissed her, more fervently this time. It was not an innocent kiss.

However, Remus kept seeing the monster he would become in a few weeks' time. The tattered overcoat on the chair, the age gap….

"No," he whispered into Tonks's mouth. "No, I…. I can't, Tonks. I'm sorry," he said. Tonks's chest was heaving and Remus was sure she could hear the loud thump of his heartbeat. "I have to go."

"No, please!" she said, sounding frantic. She stood up and faced him. "Please! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have… but, you kissed me back, you know!" Tonks looked into his eyes and whispered, "don't go."

Remus had an urge to kiss her hard on the lips again. But he fought it. "Tonks, I really need to go. We'll talk about this later." With his final words being spoken, he left.

Tonks continued to sip her tea as she reminisced. There was another tap on Molly's door. At the door was Dumbledore and Harry. "Wotcher, Harry," Tonks said. "Look, thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly, but I have to be going."

"Oh, please don't leave on my account, Tonks," Dumbledore said.

"No, It's fine," Tonks replied, and walked out the door.

000000000oooooooooooooooo00000000000000000000oooooooooooooooooooo0000000000000000000000oooooooooooooo

A few days later, Tonks had gone to Molly's again for lunch, and left. Later that night, She had the horrible realization that she had lost her wand. Tonks tore her entire flat apart before she decided that she simply _must _have left it at Molly's house. She apparated on the spot to Molly's front door and banged it with her fist.

"Molly?" Tonks said.

There was a sound of hurried footsteps. "Who is it?" asked Molly.

"Tonks," she said.

"What's your secret?"

"Currently, that I have lost my wand," Tonks said. "But I also have a teddy named Curly."

Molly opened the door.

"Molly, my wand—" Tonks began, but she froze. Across the room for her was Remus, looking her dead in the eye.

"I have it," he said."

"Y'what?"

"I have your wand," he said. "It was on the ground when I walked in," he explained.

"Oh. Thanks."

Remus handed the wand to her. "Tonks, do you want to go outside?"

"No," she said flatly. "Molly, I'm sorry," she said, turning to Mrs.. Weasley. "I totally forgot you were having guests over. Well, I'll go."

"Tonks, I have a wild venomous tentacula out in my garden," Mrs.. Weasley said conversationally. "It's quite interesting. I think you'd like to see it. Perhaps Remus could show you?" she said with a flint in her eye.

"I have no more interest in wild venomous tentaculas," she said. "I don't want to see it."

Molly smiled, understanding the hidden meaning of her statement. "I think you're hiding it from yourself. Please just have a look at it," she said.

Tonks nodded in defeat. "Come on," she gestured to Remus, next to her.

"Tonks," said Remus. 'We need to talk. Are you trying to avoid me?"

'Oho, hark who's taking," she said lamely, walking around Molly's garden where there was certainly no venomous tentacula.

Remus sighed. "Ok,. I'm sorry. It's just been a little awkward. But I miss having you as a friend. Can't we agree not to avoid each other? Can we put al this behind us?"

"No," whispered Tonks. "We can't."

"Tonks, why _not?_ I'm sick of repeating myself—"

"Then DON'T! I'M SICK OF HEARING IT! Why do I have to _forget _what happened between us? Why? I mean— It's just— you kissed me _back, _Remus!" Tonks exclaimed.

Remus seemed rather uncomfortable. "I know, I …. I really shouldn't have—"

"But you did," Tonks said. "That's the problem."

He sighed. "I really wish you would forget that it happened, Tonks. You deserve better than me."

"Remus, if I'm with someone else, I'll be miserable. Is that what you want?"

"Of course not," said Remus. "I just want you to be safe." He turned, then, and left Tonks to stand alone in the garden.

A/N:_ a little short compared to some of my other stuff, but his was originaklly just a really long one-shot. its finished; don't worry, so it should be up pretty fast. all i have to do is type it up. read and review! i know its so annoyuing when we ask you this, but it means a lot to us!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello. I know it's been absolutely ages since I've updated, but to tell you the truth, this isn't exactly my favorite story, but when I was browsing someone's profile and I saw it was on their favorites list, I felt i should finish typing it up. so... here it is! read and review, please!**

* * *

Chapter Two

Tonks didn't speak about the subject again for quite some time. She saw and spoke to him, but it was business, as usual.

A few months after their last little chat, a meeting for the order was held at Hogwarts. Afterwards, Remus approached Tonks.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Peachy," was Tonks's reply.

"Well, to be honest, you don't look very peachy," said Remus. 'That's why I asked."

"Remus," said Tonks, "I have guard duty. I need to patrol the castle."

"Tonks," don't' get like this," said Remus, grabbing her arm.

Tonks turned.

"Is there something wrong with me, Remus?" Tonks asked quietly.

Remus stared at her. "Tonks, what could possibly be wrong with you?"

"Well," said Tonks. "If the reason you don't want to be with me is because you think I'm ugly or you just don't like me, I'll move on."

"Tonks, you're beautiful."

She looked down.

"You're perfect. I wouldn't change anything about you. I love everything about you— from the pink hair you used to have, to the smile you seemed to have lost."

"Then... why is it, Remus? Do you just not care about me that way?"

"It's _because _I care about you that I can't be with you. What if I hurt you?" he asked.

"What if I got bitten by another werewolf?" Tonks challenged.

"Tonks—"

"What would you do, then?"

"You are not going to get bitten, Tonks," Remus sighed.

"I'll walk right up to Greyback."

"No, you won't."

"I would if I could be with you!" she shouted as tears welled up in her eyes. When she received no response from Remus, she whispered, "I have to go."

0o0o0o0

Weeks later, Tonks was patrolling the perimeter of Hogwarts, thinking to herself, when she heard shouts erupt from the inside of the castle. "Not good," she whispered to herself, and sprinted inside. The sigh before her was terrible. There were Death Eaters— three— walking around and terrorizing. She took out her wand and sent her patronus to the first person that came to her mind— Remus.

He was at home when he received it. Remus shot up like a bullet and apparated immediately outside the gates of Hogwarts

He sprinted up the grounds and into the entrance hall. There was no one there... yet. Heart pounding, he ran up the stairs. ON the way up he bumped into someone and immediately drew his wand.

"Professor!" someone said. It was Ron, Ginny, and Neville.

Meanwhile, Tonks was putting up quite a fight. Bill Weasley was with her, along with Minerva McGonagall.

"Eek!" came a cry. Tonks looked, but only briefly, to se Flitwick.

"Filius! Get Severus! Quickly!" shouted McGonagall as she was dueling.

Remus, meanwhile, had just run in. "Tonks!" he shouted.

She turned. "You're here!"

Remus quickly joined the fight.

"Snape's on his way," said Tonks as she dodged a spell. Suddenly, Ginny, Ron, and Neville appeared from the direction Remus had just come from. Tonks felt terrible that they had to be here, mere children, when all the other students were in bed, oblivious to what was happening. But they needed as much help as they could get.

The duel passed in a blur to Tonks. She kept barely missing hexes and unforgivable curses, as if by pure luck.

Minutes later Snape came running down the stairs with a tall blonde boy who looked about the same age as Ron and Ginny. Snape was ushering him quickly out the front door. Suddenly Tonks heard a yell.

"We're going to be here for a while," she muttered to herself.

0o0o0

Hours later Tonks found herself in the hospital wing. Bill Weasley had some serious damage, Neville was asleep, but other than that everyone miraculously turned out fine.

Ginny and Ron were next to bill, Ginny holding his hand. Hermione and Luna were in the corner, silent.

Just then the doors flew open, and Remus came barging in. when he caught sight of Bill, he ran over.

"He was attacked by Greyback," said Madame Pomfrey quietly. "We don't know exactly what will become of him."

Tonks, meanwhile, was in her own little world. All of the Death Eaters had escaped— except Gibbon, and one was better than nothing, but still...

Tonks noticed that Ginny had left. "Where's she gone to?" she asked.

"To find Harry," Remus replied.

Minutes later, Ginny arrived, holding the hand of a miserable, shaken Harry. He looked terrible. Tonks put her head in her hands and bit her lip. This did not look like something good had happened. She found it hard to concentrate on anyone talking. Ron asked where Dumbledore was, something about Bill fighting Greyback—

"Ron, Dumbledore's dead."

There was a silence in the room. Tonks looked up. It was Ginny who had spoken. Harry was looking at the floor.

"What?" gasped Remus, breaking the silence. He looked around s if hoping someone would contradict her. When no one did, he found a seat and collapsed into it.

"How did he die? How did it happen?" asked Tonks in a hoarse voice. 'Snape did it. I was there. I saw it..." but Tonks had stopped listening. Snape! But she had trusted him! As much as Tonks never did like Snape, she had trusted him with all of her heart. Why? Because Dumbledore had.

Tonks let the others explain the night events to Harry, putting in her own input only every so often. They were interrupted, though, by Mrs. Weasley who came running in.

"Oh, Bill, my Bill!" she wailed, and ran up to him, giving him a kiss on the forehead. Mr. Weasley was behind her, along with Fleur Delacour, who had a frozen expression on her face. After a few minutes of catching the Weasleys and Fleur up, Molly said, "of course, it doesn't matter how he looks... It's not really important...but he was always such a handsome little b-boy...and he was g-going to be married!"

"And what do you mean by zat?" said Fleur suddenly and loudly.

Mrs. Weasley looked up.

Tonks was suddenly paying attention to her surroundings.

"What do you mean, 'e was _going _to be married? You theenk Bill will not wish to marry me anymore? You theenk, because of these bites, he will not love me?"

"No, that's not what I—"

Tonks soaked in every detail of this rather loud conversation between Fleur and Molly. The 'conversation' ended startlingly with Fleur and Molly hugging and crying.

"You see?" said Tonks in a strained voice, facing Remus. 'She still wants to marry him, even though he's bitten! She doesn't care!"

Remus tensed up, feeling awkward at Tonks's sudden outbreak in front of everyone. "This is different," said Remus wearily and quietly. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely—"

"But I don't care, either! I don't care!" she said, grabbing the scruff of his neck. "I've told you a million times..."

"And I've told _you _a million times... I'm too old for you, too poor... too dangerous..."

She let go of him and fell into her chair again. It was no use. She zoned out again, and for a few minutes, she stared at the floor, oblivious to her surroundings...

"Nymphadora. _Nymphadora._"

Tonks looked up. "Wha—? Oh, sorry, Professor McGonagall. I just..."

"It's quite understandable," she said. "Listen, I want you to go home, Tonks."

"What? I don't understand."

"You've been patrolling Hogwarts more than any other auror, and it seems you've also bee having personal issues. You need a break."

Tonks managed a smile. 'Oh. Thank-you, Professor."

"It's nothing. But _please _allow Remus to escort you," McGonagall said.

Remus looked up.

"What? Why?"

"It's not safe to go alone," she replied. "Remus, I trust this is alright with you?" she asked, turning to Remus, who was seated on a nearby stool.

He nodded.

"Good. Do take care," she said to the two of them, and turned swiftly and left. Tonks heard her say, "Follow me, Harry," in the corridor, and the sounds of feet walking away.

Remus turned to her. "Ready?" he asked.

She nodded.

Remus took her by the hand and led her out of the Hospital Wing, down the stairs, out the entrance hall, and onto the grounds.

All this time, Remus had had Tonks by the hand. It was big and warm, and made Tonks feel good— like she had something to hold onto.

She looked around the grounds— up at the castle, the lake, the forest... "It's so beautiful," she said.

"I know," Remus replied, concentrating on Tonks. He didn't appear to be looking at the grounds at all.

"Who would ever suspect such bad things could happen here?" she sighed as they walked through the gates.

Remus put out his arm. "I'll guide you. No effort needed on your part."

Tonks nodded and took his arm. Moments later they were in a small little house she had never seen before.

"Remus— this isn't my house."

"I know. It's mine."

She gave him a funny look.

"I'm not letting you stay alone to night," he explained. "You're staying here. It's a small little place, but there's a spare room.'

Tonks looked him in the eye and smiled. At least he was thinking of her. "Thanks, Remus," she said. She looked around. It appeared they were in a cottage style house. It was very neat, with old family photos and pictures of friends. There was a kitchen, a sitting room, a bathroom, and a little hallway that Tonks assumed lead to the two rooms.

"What a cozy little place," she smiled.

"It's small, but it's where I grew up."

"Well, size doesn't matter to me," Tonks said, looking at a picture of James and Lily. "Grimmauld Place was huge, and I hated it." She sat down on the little sofa. 'I'm so tired. I haven't slept in a year."

"I know the feeling," said Remus.

"This has been the hardest year of my life," Tonks went on. "First Sirius, and Susan bones, then Emmeline Vance, and having to guard the castle every day and…"

"Me?" said Remus helpfully.

Tonks looked down.

"I know I've been a pain," he said. "I was just trying to protect you, I guess I though you deserved better than me."

Tonks looked up. He was using past tense. "It's ok. I guess you can't force someone to fall in love with you."

"_Force?" _he asked incredulously. "Oh, no, Tonks. I've always loved you."

Her head shot up again. "What?" she asked sternly. "_What?_" she stood up. "You gave me a year of Hell when you—"

Remus smiled.

"No smiling! You have no right to smile. No laughing, either. If in wasn't madly in love with you, I'd storm out of this house right now! Ooh, Remus, if you've taught me one thing, it's that if a girl can love a man right down to her fingertips, she can hate him just as much!"

Remus chuckled.

Tonks stared at him. "How is this fun—?"

But she was silenced as Remus pressed his lips against hers.

After several moments (or maybe several years), Remus pulled away. His arms were wrapped round her waist and his forehead against hers.

"I'm beginning to like this house," Tonks said breathlessly.

"You haven't seen the _bedrooms _yet," he said slyly.

Tonks stared at him for a moment. "Oh!" she said slowly. "_I _get it."

She grinned.

* * *

**Fin! Sorry it took so long… however, I didn't have many reviews last time, anyway…. I know the whole hospital scene was different for the book, but it's hard to type fast when you're looking down at a book every few seconds, so…**

**Please r an r! And I don't mean rest and relaxation, OR rock n roll… read and review!**


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